100 happy days, one day at a time

Okay, so I think I am a little late to the party on this one. Sadly, I find that I am a little behind the eight ball on many social media-type things. Oh well, sometimes having a life is more important. I already spend WAY too much time on the blog, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, the list goes on and on. Couldn't they just stop making new social media apps? I can't take anymore!

Anyway, in an attempt to extract myself from social media (yeah. right.) I have decided to try the 100 Happy Days project. Have you seen this? Do you know what I am talking about? Please tell me that there is at least one person out there who doesn't know about this yet...

Basically, you take one picture of one thing that makes you happy. And you do it again and again for 100 days. It is an attempt to help all of us unfocused, rushed people stop and notice how wonderful out lives are and, hopefully, appreciate all that we have. I love the premise behind it. I am a little sad that it takes social media to help me take these extra steps but it is what it is. I do have to say that I appreciate and give thanks for my life and my family every day. But it is kind of fun to do it in pictures.

Just in case you want another bloggers point of view on this, check out A Beautiful Mess' post this week here.  Oh, and there is actual scientific results that shows that this project makes people happier and more satisfied. Want to sign up (and to see more information)? Go to 100happydays.com and check out the project!

Here are my first few happy days.

What makes you happy? Share your happiness!
Go to #100happydays to see what makes the world happy

Crazy Making

Why is it that we make ourselves crazy? We have beautiful, full lives. We have family, responsibilities, bills, headaches, jobs, laughter, love, and moments that come out of nowhere and shock us. And yet, we are always trying for perfection. When will we realize that what we have in this moment, right now, is perfection?

Recently, in an attempt to find more time for my family, I agreed to take on one more thing that would "solve all my problems." If I am trying to get more time for my family, why would I agree to doing something that took time away from my family? It makes absolutely NO sense. And yet, here I am stuck in the middle of it.

Every time I think of staying in to "see if it will work," I know in the pit of my stomach that it is the wrong thing to do. That I will not end up with boatloads of money, in fact it is much more likely that I will end up losing money. But then, every time I think of getting out, my stomach (again) goes crazy. I don't know if it is because I am afraid of being seen as a failure or because I may possibly make the wrong decision and lose out on "making it big."

And this brings me back to, why do we make ourselves crazy?

I know this whole post is a little cryptic, but I am kind of in the middle of it right now. Either way,  once I get myself out of the crazy cycle, I am going to have a great new experience to blog about. So, for now, please stick with me. I promise to get back to my "happy place" and share soon!

Photo Credit: muneeb1988 via Compfight cc

Making Friends Wherever We Go

It is amazing who we encounter in our everyday travels.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to ski alone, which means a lot of trips up the chairlift in the singles line. This can seem a little daunting. You are all by your lonesome, faced with the prospect of sharing approximately five feet of space with three strangers for five minutes or so. I am not going to lie to you, it can be uncomfortable, but sometimes you find yourself on a magical chair and you have an AWESOME conversation with your fellow riders.

The funny thing is that unless I am decked out in my skiing gear ( including helmet and goggles so no one can actually see who I am) I tend to be pretty shy. But put me on a chairlift on a beautiful powdery day and I will talk to anyone and everyone.

 This past Sunday I talked about ski programs, the conditions, my kids, my parents, a weird connection between my fellow rider and a friend I haven't seen since college, my dog, all four seasons, my hometown, a new invention someone was thinking through, the dangers of dodge ball (torn rotator cuff. Ouch!), what we had for dinner and dessert the night before, sports, the Olympics, how to enhance a trucks headlights, sound system, and lift carriage, music, list goes on and on.

After reflecting on this awesome day, I realized that maybe, if it just stepped out of my comfort zone and actually started conversations with the people that I encounter every day, I could meet so many new people and have that many more connections. Imagine the conversations that I could have in the line at the grocery store, the post office, the bank...

This is one area where my kids had the world figured out before me. I often joke that they are little mayors. They know almost everyone they come across (strangely enough) and if they don't, they say "hi" and chat. (Not in a scary, unsafe way). So, today, I am going to make a point of saying "hi" to more strangers that I come across in my travels in hopes and being more friendly, welcoming, and engaging to the people around me.

What is that old saying? Strangers are just friends you haven't made yet.

P.S. More projects on the way. We have a long stretch of at-home time coming up which translates into fun project time. Oh, Project Time, how I have missed you!

The other side of the coin

This weekend I found myself in a situation that I have been finding myself in more and more lately as the parent of a now school-aged, child. I found myself being the parent and not the teacher.

At dinner one night, my son calmly told us all about how one of his coaches was calling him names, not letting him go to the bathroom, pushing him over, etc. My initial reaction was that of the Mama Bear. I could feel the my hair bristling, and my body moving into full on protection mode. Then, I stopped myself.

As an educator, I have been in this situation before, but never have I experienced it as a parent. I have received the email in ALL CAPS starting with, "How dare you...," and an impromptu visit from parents (storming into my classroom) wanting to know why I called Little Joe this or that. Once I calm the upset parent down, and we talk about what was reported versus what actually happened (don't get me started on pre-teen perception versus reality) things are usually, quickly set to rights. Thankfully, these scenarios are few and far between, but just one can scar you for life. Believe me!

Suddenly here I was, prepared to storm up to the coach and confront them about what happened. I could not believe how quickly the instinct to protect my child popped up. It was almost immediate. How dare he call me child names? What kind of person won't let a child go to the bathroom? I was drafting an email in ALL CAPS in my head.  Seriously? Seriously.

I find myself in the lucky position of being able to see it from both sides. I talked to my son about the circumstances around the comments. I teased out the possibility that his coach was joking around with him (I am pretty sure he was). We discussed ways that he could tell his coach that the joking actually hurt his feelings, and came up with sentences that he could use so his coach would hear him. In the end he seemed to feel better. And I had a new understanding of where the parents of my students were coming from.

The funny thing is that even if you can calm down and see the other side, that seed of doubt lodges itself in your head. Consequently, the trust that you had for that person is no longer quite as strong. There is still a pit of unease in your stomach since you don't really know exactly what happened.

It is hard to be a parent. It is hard to be a teacher. I am realizing that no matter what side you are on, everyone is on the side of the kid. There is no one who would work with kids if they didn't care for children and want to see them grow into successful, happy, bigger versions of themselves. So, I have to trust that the people my son encounters when he is out in the world are supportive of him.  And, when I find myself in these situations, I need to remember to take a moment to see the other side of the coin.

Photo Credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/83346641@N00/4896996561/">JD Hancock</a> via <ahref="http://compfight.com">Compfight</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>

My "unword" for 2014

Your "unword" is a word that describes what you want to avoid being this year, something that you have fallen into a bad habit of becoming that you would like to erase, undo, rewind. I was introduced to this idea on The Nester's blog. She did a MUCH better job of explaining the UNword in her post than I did here. So check it out if you haven't!

My "unword" for this year is...
Unfrazzled

I am one of those people that "fight the frazzle" until I just can't take it anymore. And then I just can't take it anymore. I will use self-talk, make lists, breath deeply, do whatever it takes to keep moving through my day and all of the "things" that make up my life. As more and more gets piled on my shoulders, I tend to lose perspective and start assigning all my "to do's" equal priority when that isn't the case. I have a classic case of "can't see the forest through the trees-itis" when I get frazzled. Everything falls apart quickly, I start yelling - at EVERYONE - it isn't pretty.

So, my goal this year is to keep myself on the safe side of frazzled; namely unfrazzled. Keep my head in a calm place and realize that it is okay to let some things go. Keeping my priorities prioritized (family first!) is incredibly important. Sometimes, in the race for perfection, I hit overload and frazzle out (Scary witch hair and all.) and become a less effective parent, wife, teacher. It has to stop!

I know it will be a constant battle as "things" try to get their claws into my time and sanity, but I will work hard at it every day and hopefully stay calm no matter what extra responsibilities get heaped on my shoulders. At least I will try.

P.S. Sorry for my lack of pretty picture on this post. I am too frazzled to get one together for you, so I decided to let it go. Here's to staying unfrazzled!

What's your unword?

Running Update: Falling off the Wagon

Yes, I admit it. I have fallen of the running wagon. This is infuriating because I put in SO much effort to start running again after Ry was born. But I have decided, this time, to be kind to myself.

Too often I find that I hold myself to standards that I would never expect of other people, and that is unfair. I have a thousand and one excuses about why I haven't run in almost three weeks, but I don't think they are necessary. Instead, I choose to accept the disappointment that I am feeling, and do my best to get back on track.  Because I am busy being a mom to three boys, a teacher to forty-eight students five days a week, a wife, a daughter, and so much more to the people in my life. That is a lot and I am doing the best that I can.

This week I will sneak in at least one run somehow. I will do this because it makes me feel better about myself and gives me more energy, which is in short supply these days. I will do this because it helps keep my brain moving and because it helps me sleep better at night. I will do this for me so I can be better for those who rely on me. I will do this one small thing for myself.

Photo Credit: kaneda99 via Compfight/Flickr

The view from here...Pumping Conversations

I'm not sure if I am delirious from lack of sleep or what, but right now my pump is talking to me.

If you haven't experienced the joys of hiding in a closet and pumping throughout your work day, don't be alarmed. This will happen to you too. Assuming you are a woman who is planning on having a baby, and breast feeding, and going back to work...

It really is the strangest thing. One day my pump will be cheering me on - "lactate, lactate, lactate," -another day it is giving me decorating advice  -"black wall, black wall, black wall" - another it may be rushing me along - "let's go, let's go, let's go." I never really know which particular message I will get on any certain day. Sometimes it even swears at me.

On good days it's funny, on bad days it makes me hate pumping even more. I mean, who wants to be hooked up to a machine that extracts your bodily fluids? Every time I think about it, the image of a dairy cow flashes into my mind. Yes, I am comparing myself to a dairy cow.

At one point, before he was married and had kids, my brother-in-law shared a business plan, in which he would open up a bar where women would go and get paid to hook up to machines that expressed their milk. He would then sell that milk across the country. Now, women do just that...sell their breast milk. God bless those women who hook themselves up willingly.

Who in their right mind would want to pump? Seriously? I do it because I have no choice. Because I have to work, but also want to continue to breastfeed for all of the benefits for my child and myself. But choosing to do it more than is absolutely necessary? I don't think think so.

Clearly, I am now on a rant. I apologize. If you stuck with me through this, I hope I have made one thing perfectly clear: I. Hate. Pumping.

I have to go now, because my pump says so.

My lovely closet and sometimes supportive pump.

New Year's Eve 4 Simple Goals Take Two

So last year, on this date, I wrote this post with four goals for the new year. At the time I didn't even know that I was pregnant. I found out on January 1st. By making his presence known, Rylan, immediately set 2013 off on the right foot and made accomplishing my positivity goal a little easier (after the first trimester, of course... I have learned to be wary during that time.). I don't expect any exciting, over the moon news to happen at the beginning of 2014, but I do have some hopes for smaller changes that will move my family and I in a positive direction.

So, this year my 4 Simple Goals will remain the same. For the most part, they are not necessarily goals that you can say, "There! Finished that one!" And I kind of like that about them. In case you don't feel like reading last year's post, here is a quick recap:

1. Disconnect - More family time when kids are up, less email and Facebook stalking.
I definitely improved in this area as far as staying off the computer between when I got home from work and the boys went to bed. Being home for maternity leave in the fall made it easier. Still, there could be more improvement in this area. The Hubs and I still spend many a night side by side on the couch working on our laptops.

2. Do more projects.
Based on my Dream Big list I have lots of opportunities for this. I am just going to keep plugging away. Although, if I could figure out a way to work from home, it would be a whole lot easier! Maternity leave spoiled me by showing me what was possible.
Some of the projects that we completed this year include, installing the front patio, planting trees, painting the door, starting a garden and compost bin, and, of course, the Christmas project extravaganza (personalized bowl and mugs, magnet board, calendar, joy letters). And, although I didn't mean this type of project when I made these goals, trying to keep writing on this blog has been a project in itself. Although not many people actually read this, it does feel good to write again. And it motivates me to get projects done because I need something to blog about. 

3. Be Positive/Find Joy
This is probably my weakest area on the list. But I have found some new inspiration in one of the parents of a former student. She brings joy and happiness to those around her on a regular basis. For example, today she started a pay it forward chain at her local Starbucks just to practice kindness on the last day of the year. Maybe the key here is not just to have a positive outlook on life, but to also create joy in others. 

4. Live Healthily
This one is always on the list. I feel good about what I accomplished this year, including running until I was a little over 5 months pregnant, continuing exercising (4 miles a day with two boys in tow) while pregnant, and starting running again after recovering from labor and delivery. The eating side is still a little shaky ( what can I say, I am addicted to sugar) but I am trying and will continue to do so. Maybe I will even sign up for more races this year. 

2013 has been a pretty great year! Hopefully 2014 will be another good one. I have a feeling it will be full of changes that I will have to learn to accept with an open heart and embrace fully. A little more sleep would be nice as well. ;)

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope 2014 brings you health, happiness and fun! Let's make it a great one!!

Three Kids and a Full-Time Job - Who Has Time to Run?

Great question! As I already mentioned, my maternity leave is over...
And yet I have also told you how much more pleasant I am to be around when I get a run in...even if it is incredibly quick. So, what is a girl to do?

First of all, can I just say that it infuriates me when experts go on shows like the Today Show or Good Morning America, or contribute to articles in Fitness or Shape and preach about how you CAN find time in your day to excercise. Every single moment of my day is scheduled. I have NO time. Especially if I want to run when there is enough daylight so that I won't be mistaken for a prancing deer just begging to get shot by a hunter or a wannabe thief looking to speak with local law enforcement.

My day starts with breastfeeding the baby. Can I go run before this? Nope. It doesn't really matter if I could ignore the bowling balls on my chest first thing in the morning because I would not feel safe running in the pitch black pre-6am light. After feeding the baby I then race to get dressed and ready for work, make lunch for myself and my school age son, feed the older two boys their breakfast, and sneak in quick kisses to all my boys (the hubs included) before bolting out the door. I do all this in the span of 45 minutes and also fit in one quick pumping session to make sure my breasts are completely empty before I start the day.

I work a full day and before you tell me to run at my lunch break, I only have a 21 minute lunch during which I hide in a closet and pump again. Break time? Teachers don't really get that. We have prep times full of meetings (team, grade level, content area, evaluation groups, special ed., counseling, parents who want face to face conferences, the list goes on and on). When I do get a "free" period I hide in the closet to pump and maybe grade some papers or prepare lesson plans.

When I leave work I rush to daycare to pick up the baby and the toddler so that I can get back to the bus stop to meet the bus. Now I have three children in my wake and, as I have mentioned before, no way to take them all with me on a run and I still have to fit in at least two feedings with the baby before dinner. My only option is to find a treadmill with access to a television to occupy the kiddos. Quality bonding time?

If I wait until my husband gets home it is once again dark and I am usually in the process of preparing or feeding the kids dinner. Then it is a whirlwind of pjs and teeth brushing, stories and snuggles. One more feeding with the baby and lesson planning, paper grading, and responding to emails that I can't read or answer at school because I am "on stage" all day long. Sadly, my husband and I are usually sitting at opposite ends of our couch on our laptops doing work. Romantic night, huh?

As you can imagine, I am EXHAUSTED at the end of the night, but still find time to beat myself up over not fitting in a run.

The weekends are my only salvation. If I am lucky I can run on Saturday and Sunday mornings. If I get those two runs in I feel like I am winning. Anything else is a pure miracle.

How do you fit your runs in? If I could finagle a treadmill for my house I may be more successful, but it would honestly be a struggle to get one in even with it. A double running stroller might also help, but again it would be quite a monumental effort with all three boys in the winter.  Sometimes I feel like I can't win, but I keep trying.

"Just keep swimming"

A Letter to my Colleagues Upon the End of Maternity Leave or, the Worst Day Evah'

Dear Colleagues,

I write this letter to you upon the eve of my return to work. I know that my absence may have made many of your lives more difficult. You may have missed my whitty banter, or my ability to tell it like it is. Perhaps you have dreaded the day that I returned since the day I left. However you are feeling, you may decide that the nice thing to do would be to welcome me back. I mean this in the nicest way...please don't.

You see any kind words, or general questions about my baby, who I just left with someone who is not me, will undoubtedly bring on the water works. I know that you may not understand my fragile emotional state on this day, so here I will try to explain why I am a freaking mess.

Maternity leave is the only time where it is expected that a mom's entire focus should be devoted to rest, heal, and bond with her newborn. She has, perhaps for the first time in her life, been allowed, even encouraged, to "put [her] feet up," "get as much sleep as possible," and "let [her] husband (or others) do all of the housework, cooking, and care taking of any other children" so that she can cuddle, kiss, snuggle, and bond with her baby.

During this time, the bond between a mother and her newborn is so connected that the baby may only be able to be calmed by the mother. As the baby grows he/she saves special smiles just for Mom, laughs for the first time with Mom, and spends hours cuddling with Mom. As you can imagine allowing something else to get in the way of all these special smiles, coos, and cuddles is not ideal.  A mother returning to work is dealing with the absence of these moments. She is also dealing with the fact that someone else is experiencing these moments with HER child. A child who is just beginning to reveal a little of his or her personality and becoming an adorable social being.

Additionally, she is exhausted because (if she is lucky) her child sleeps for six hours at night. Her breasts are painfully engorged because she is no longer allowed to choose when to feed her baby, but instead must plan her pumping sessions according to her work schedule. Oh, and those pumping sessions? Those are done hidden away in a closet where she will spend the twenty minutes or so crying because she is stuck in a closet attached to a machine instead of snuggling with her beautiful baby. The day will be never-ending and your "thoughtful" inquiries will only help to remind her that she is not where she would like to be.

So, on this end of my maternity leave, this worst day ever, please, please, please, don't ask. And, if you do, be prepared for tears. Also, don't try to chat with me at the end of the day because I plan to be out the door as soon as humanly possible and if you make it take a moment longer I will snap your head off.

If you would like to help support me, allow me a few extra moments to get myself together, don't point out the red rimmed eyes, disheveled hair, or dark circles, and if I am late for everything, pretend that I am not. No, I am not excited to be back at work. No, I did not miss it. No, I do not care about anything that is happening around me. Right now, I just want to be home with my child.

And finally, don't expect this to change for a few days. The second day is not as terrible as the first, but it is still pretty bad.

Thank you for listening,

A new mom