Dear Colleagues,
I write this letter to you upon the eve of my return to work. I know that my absence may have made many of your lives more difficult. You may have missed my whitty banter, or my ability to tell it like it is. Perhaps you have dreaded the day that I returned since the day I left. However you are feeling, you may decide that the nice thing to do would be to welcome me back. I mean this in the nicest way...please don't.
You see any kind words, or general questions about my baby, who I just left with someone who is not me, will undoubtedly bring on the water works. I know that you may not understand my fragile emotional state on this day, so here I will try to explain why I am a freaking mess.
Maternity leave is the only time where it is expected that a mom's entire focus should be devoted to rest, heal, and bond with her newborn. She has, perhaps for the first time in her life, been allowed, even encouraged, to "put [her] feet up," "get as much sleep as possible," and "let [her] husband (or others) do all of the housework, cooking, and care taking of any other children" so that she can cuddle, kiss, snuggle, and bond with her baby.
During this time, the bond between a mother and her newborn is so connected that the baby may only be able to be calmed by the mother. As the baby grows he/she saves special smiles just for Mom, laughs for the first time with Mom, and spends hours cuddling with Mom. As you can imagine allowing something else to get in the way of all these special smiles, coos, and cuddles is not ideal. A mother returning to work is dealing with the absence of these moments. She is also dealing with the fact that someone else is experiencing these moments with HER child. A child who is just beginning to reveal a little of his or her personality and becoming an adorable social being.
Additionally, she is exhausted because (if she is lucky) her child sleeps for six hours at night. Her breasts are painfully engorged because she is no longer allowed to choose when to feed her baby, but instead must plan her pumping sessions according to her work schedule. Oh, and those pumping sessions? Those are done hidden away in a closet where she will spend the twenty minutes or so crying because she is stuck in a closet attached to a machine instead of snuggling with her beautiful baby. The day will be never-ending and your "thoughtful" inquiries will only help to remind her that she is not where she would like to be.
So, on this end of my maternity leave, this worst day ever, please, please, please, don't ask. And, if you do, be prepared for tears. Also, don't try to chat with me at the end of the day because I plan to be out
the door as soon as humanly possible and if you make it take a moment
longer I will snap your head off.
If you would like to help support me, allow me a few extra moments to get myself together, don't point out the red rimmed eyes, disheveled hair, or dark circles, and if I am late for everything, pretend that I am not. No, I am not excited to be back at work. No, I did not miss it. No, I do not care about anything that is happening around me. Right now, I just want to be home with my child.
And finally, don't expect this to change for a few days. The second day is not as terrible as the first, but it is still pretty bad.
Thank you for listening,
A new mom
Showing posts with label transitions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transitions. Show all posts
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
The Days are Flying
In a few short days I will be returning to work after three months of maternity leave. My heart is breaking. I want to stay home with ever fiber of my being. I am going to miss this face more than I can bear. Even writing this is bringing tears to my eyes.
I know I have done this twice before, but it seems that each time it gets more and more difficult. Maybe it is because I see how quickly my oldest son is growing up and becoming independent, growing away from me. I know that I need to cherish each and every moment that I have with my boys. Sometimes I feel that life is running away from me and before I know it my babies will be grown and living their own lives. Sometimes I feel that I need to re-prioritize and figure out some way to stay home...let my professional life go and find time to focus on my family.
I know that this is a struggle that many others have had. How do you swing staying home? How do you let go of your professional identity and all of the time and training that you have devoted to your professional life, knowing that you may never be able to get your foot in the door again? Right now, I would let it all go to stay home and snuggle with my sweet boy.
I know that this is a struggle that many others have had. How do you swing staying home? How do you let go of your professional identity and all of the time and training that you have devoted to your professional life, knowing that you may never be able to get your foot in the door again? Right now, I would let it all go to stay home and snuggle with my sweet boy.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Prepping for Baby: Feeding the Family
It is no secret that when you return home from the hospital with a newborn baby you are less than energetic. In fact, if you are like me, you may find your sweet spot on the couch, nestle you tender body into it, and do everything that you can not to move for two to three weeks.
With my first son this was pretty easy. My husband was lovingly caring for me, waiting on me hand and foot, cleaning, preparing meals, basically being my house b (as he called it). Additionally ever extended family member and friend I had ever know was chomping at the bit to snuggle with my perfect, beautiful baby, and would do any chore I asked for the chance. Even when my HB had to return to work, I was able to milk the princess status for another week or two.
When my second son entered the world, things got a little more complicated. Yes, my husband picked up his role of HB again, but his attention was split between the baby and I, playing with my 4 year old when he was home, and constructing a play set that the four year old had received for his birthday when the little angel was at daycare. (Who knew it took so long to set those things up?) And, yes, we still had the slew of visitors to cuddle with this new little prince, but they were more likely to spend time playing with the 4 year old than doing chores for me. This resulted in the unfortunate predicament that when dinner time rolled around there was rarely any dinner prepared, or easy to make, for my starving 4 year old angel, my darling husband, or for my battered self. Luckily my mother rallied the troops and prepared food started showing up on my doorstep from friends and complete strangers (lovely co-workers of my parents) alike. Additionally, my husband happily ordered take-out at least four nights a week. Not the healthiest option.
I vowed that this would not happen again when my third son made his beautiful self known. I was about to be the mother of three, three boys no less, I had better get my shit together. So, I began planning and searching Pinterest for every make-ahead meal I could find. This pre-planning made the difference between letting my family starve (not really) and keeping them healthily, happily fed. This
one step helped ease my transition back home and took a little bit of worry off of my plate. No matter what, the family would be fed!
If you would like to prepare some meals in advance here are some pieces of advice and recipe resources that may help. Personally, I cook more as a necessity than for pleasure, so I tend to go for easier recipes that require fewer pots (less dishes!). Just wanted to let you know so that you don't expect gourmet recipes.
Tips:
1. I recommend starting four or five weeks before your due date. This way you can make double batches of meals you are already cooking over the span of days and weeks instead of getting stuck in a weekend cooking marathon. Unless you like that sort of thing. If so, then more power to you.
2. Purchase disposable aluminum pans and tin foil. This way, when you are done, you can throw away the pan which means less dishes. Yay!
3. Search for recipes your family will like to eat. Here are some sites that I found:
Southern Girl Cooking
Cooking Light: Best Freezable Meals
Fitness Magazine: Make ahead meals
4. Don't be afraid to use tried and true recipes that you know your family already loves. I made shepherd's pie, baked ziti, stuffed green peppers, and chicken enchiladas.
5. If you have in season veggies make good use of them. When I was prepping my meals corn was in season. I simply bought extra, blanched it (boiled it for a few minutes, then immediately put it unto an ice cold bath) and froze it for an easy, healthy side. Bonus: when we actually ate the corn it was no longer in season so it was n added treat for my two boys who LOVE corn on the cob, but get sick of it when we eat it almost every night in the summer. (Imagine that)
6. Get your kids into the action. They LOVE helping out in the kitchen!
Oh, and once the baby comes and you are just at the edge of being able to function again, but still tired most of the day, the crock pot WILL become your best friend. That way you can make dinner when you have the energy and time (i.e. when the older kids are at school/daycare.)
This was honestly one of the best things that I did to prepare for the baby. It has made the transition SO much easier. I hope it helps you too!
If you have any other great, easy, recipe sources please feel free to share. I am still using my crock pot AT LEAST four days a week. In fact, I have applesauce cooking right now!
With my first son this was pretty easy. My husband was lovingly caring for me, waiting on me hand and foot, cleaning, preparing meals, basically being my house b (as he called it). Additionally ever extended family member and friend I had ever know was chomping at the bit to snuggle with my perfect, beautiful baby, and would do any chore I asked for the chance. Even when my HB had to return to work, I was able to milk the princess status for another week or two.
When my second son entered the world, things got a little more complicated. Yes, my husband picked up his role of HB again, but his attention was split between the baby and I, playing with my 4 year old when he was home, and constructing a play set that the four year old had received for his birthday when the little angel was at daycare. (Who knew it took so long to set those things up?) And, yes, we still had the slew of visitors to cuddle with this new little prince, but they were more likely to spend time playing with the 4 year old than doing chores for me. This resulted in the unfortunate predicament that when dinner time rolled around there was rarely any dinner prepared, or easy to make, for my starving 4 year old angel, my darling husband, or for my battered self. Luckily my mother rallied the troops and prepared food started showing up on my doorstep from friends and complete strangers (lovely co-workers of my parents) alike. Additionally, my husband happily ordered take-out at least four nights a week. Not the healthiest option.
I vowed that this would not happen again when my third son made his beautiful self known. I was about to be the mother of three, three boys no less, I had better get my shit together. So, I began planning and searching Pinterest for every make-ahead meal I could find. This pre-planning made the difference between letting my family starve (not really) and keeping them healthily, happily fed. This
one step helped ease my transition back home and took a little bit of worry off of my plate. No matter what, the family would be fed!
If you would like to prepare some meals in advance here are some pieces of advice and recipe resources that may help. Personally, I cook more as a necessity than for pleasure, so I tend to go for easier recipes that require fewer pots (less dishes!). Just wanted to let you know so that you don't expect gourmet recipes.
Tips:
1. I recommend starting four or five weeks before your due date. This way you can make double batches of meals you are already cooking over the span of days and weeks instead of getting stuck in a weekend cooking marathon. Unless you like that sort of thing. If so, then more power to you.
2. Purchase disposable aluminum pans and tin foil. This way, when you are done, you can throw away the pan which means less dishes. Yay!
3. Search for recipes your family will like to eat. Here are some sites that I found:
Southern Girl Cooking
Cooking Light: Best Freezable Meals
Fitness Magazine: Make ahead meals
4. Don't be afraid to use tried and true recipes that you know your family already loves. I made shepherd's pie, baked ziti, stuffed green peppers, and chicken enchiladas.
5. If you have in season veggies make good use of them. When I was prepping my meals corn was in season. I simply bought extra, blanched it (boiled it for a few minutes, then immediately put it unto an ice cold bath) and froze it for an easy, healthy side. Bonus: when we actually ate the corn it was no longer in season so it was n added treat for my two boys who LOVE corn on the cob, but get sick of it when we eat it almost every night in the summer. (Imagine that)
6. Get your kids into the action. They LOVE helping out in the kitchen!
Oh, and once the baby comes and you are just at the edge of being able to function again, but still tired most of the day, the crock pot WILL become your best friend. That way you can make dinner when you have the energy and time (i.e. when the older kids are at school/daycare.)
This was honestly one of the best things that I did to prepare for the baby. It has made the transition SO much easier. I hope it helps you too!
If you have any other great, easy, recipe sources please feel free to share. I am still using my crock pot AT LEAST four days a week. In fact, I have applesauce cooking right now!
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